Really? Is it *really* raining that hard that you cant pick up your eyes from the road for one second to avoid impaling me with your umbrella? Is it *really* snowing that hard you need to bundle yourself in SO MANY LAYERS that they actually prevent you from watching your umbrella bayonet my cornea? I am now blind.
Yes, I get that we live in New York and its cold and it rains and it snows. But somehow I missed the memo that said it's socially acceptable for New Yorkers to use umbrellas as a medieval torture devices. I find myself getting frightened when it rains because it brings out the worst in people and they are able to hide their shamefulness behind, umm yes, their umbrellas.
And, it really blows my mind that it has been raining and snowing since biblical times, yet I am pretty sure we have the same idiotic contraption that Noah used to shield his Arc. We can clone sheep, pause live TV, impregnate a man, but we can’t come up with a better way of keeping us dry? This is a universal problem people - I am pretty sure everyone at some point in their lives had to use an umbrella…
...Which is why I am in the market of selling umbrella hats. Laugh now, but all I need is for Sarah Jessica Parker to wear one of these babies and they'll be selling like hot cakes. Hands-free, sleek, sexy and there is no chance of me forgetting mine in the back seat of a taxi cab.
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